..ONE BLACK BIRD SITTING ON THE SILL

...I felt like 'PUMPING' my MUSCLES ONE MORNING and endlessly SEEK a SIX-PACK that has ever ELUDED me. MY ROTUND TUMMY was an EYE SORE.  My gym equipment is by the balcony, SYMPTOMATIC of the HOUSES built in LAGOS, NIGERIA  where SPACE is scarce AND competition rife on who will BUILD HOUSES with rooms slightly bigger than what you get in LONDON.

On stepping out, anger clouding my senses because of the ROTUND tummy, I saw a Bird by my neighbor's WINDOW SILL. I tried to identify the breed. I grew up in a huge farm. It was not a BLACK JACK nor a CANARY. It looked like a WREN. The BIRD was busy.

I rushed inside to grab my camera and the SHUTTERS were at work. The BIRD was NESTING. MY MISSUS was NESTING TOO. The bird was flying back and forth. Each return journey was accomplished with a straw on her beak. I concluded that the PROJECT TIMELINE would be long and RESOURCES ACQUISITION tedious.

I decided to help. I went to a gift shop in Victoria Island, Lagos, a glorified and expensive slum in Nigeria and bought a Bird House for N3000 (R150, $20). A PAINTING SUITE came with it. I painted the House giving it a LOOK like THE FEATHERS on THE CAP of CHIEF CHINGACHOOK of the MOHICANS, a KALEIDOSCOPE OF COLOURS. I was satisfied with what I made and at the RISK of BREAKING A BONE climbed the WINDOW SILL and placed the house by the sill. My Missus appreciated it. She knows am a COUNTRY BOY and always preach CONSERVATION.

I added a good measure of RICE and CORN to attract the little thing. I wanted her to abandon her PROJECT and move into the SELF-CONTAINED APARTMENT I got for her. She kept on building her nest ignoring my magnanimous gestures, deciding to reinvent the wheel.  I complained to my BUDDY in the compound, CLEMENT OLADAPO ONAWOLE. He told me to ignore the LITTLE THING that maybe she would change her mind later and move in. SHE DIDN'T


She finished her NEST and moved in. I knew she was ready to LAY HER EGGS. I travelled to ABUJA, the capital city of Nigeria on an official assignment. I spent a week in Abuja.

I came back to Lagos and immediately noticed that she had finished her nest. TWO other BIRDS were by HER NEST making a lot of NOISE. Very Vocal and annoying. One was more vocal and kept strutting round the window like a DON QUIXOTE. HE was constantly DEFEACATING and MESSING UP THE SILL.  The other BIRD looked finer and had a GENTLE MIEN. I concluded they were males and were COURTING THE BABE.

THE DANCE began, a lot of COOING and WOOING and I was ROOTING for the GENTLE ONE. To my CHAGRIN, the BABE decided to go for the NOISY ONE. My PAL, the quiet one, was left OUT IN THE COLD. He had a dejected look and was MAKING WHIMPERING SOUNDS. I went downstairs and picked a STONE and waited for the NOISY ONE. HE SUMMARILY EMERGED FROM THE NEST LOOKING and SOUNDING VICTORIOUS. YOU can IMAGINE what TRANSPIRED INSIDE THE NEST.

The STONE FLEW from my palm and MADE A BULL'S EYE. The 'guy' made bird-like noises and flew off. My Pal flew off too and CAME BACK AFTER 5 minutes. He made straight for the NEST. I heard some ear-piercing noises. The guy emerged looking ruffled and flew off.

DON JUAN came back, looked at me with a PLEA in HIS EYES. A thought zapped THROUGH MY MIND. Why would I disturb a STRONG GUY who wants to PERPETUATE HIS SPECIES? NATURE ABHORS THE WEAK AT THAT LEVEL. LAW OF NATURAL SELECTION. I looked away and the guy ENTERED THE NEST.  I HEARD SOME MOANING AND COOING SOUNDS. I MUST CONFESS, I YEARNED FOR MY MISSUS TOO.

SUDDENLY, the weak guy came around and made straight for the NEST. I knew it was going to be a WAR. I HEARD A LOT OF SOUNDS AND FEATHERS FALLING OUT. After about 5 minutes, the whole place was SILENT. THE BABE emerged with the TWO GUYS and LOOKED CONTENTED. THE THREE HAVE BEEN LEAVING TOGETHER IN THE NEST ever since

I AM WAITING FOR THE EGGS TO HATCH to DECIPHER WHAT THE CHICKS WOULD LOOK LIKE.

EMANCIPATION OF THE PRIMITIVE TRIBES OF THE LOWER NIGER

WARNING: 

This is not is not for the faint-hearted. It is brutally frank and seeks to find ways to solve a problem. 

The second part is coming and WOULD proffer SOLUTIONS towards getting this RACE to take their PRIME PLACE in the SCHEME OF AFFAIRS in the world.

Remember the movie, "TEARS OF THE SUN, starring BRUCE WILLIS.

The IGBO RACE is great and would be a BEACON OF HOPE across AFRICA.

I belong to that PRIMITIVE TRIBE.

Igboland is located in southeastern Nigeria, with a total land area of about 15,800 square miles (about 41,000 square kilometers). We speak a language called Ibo and are referred to as Igbos. They say we are the second largest group living on Southern Nigeria.

We are mostly light-skinned, BOISTEROUS and typify CRASS MATERIALISM. We can BEARD the LION in his DEN as long there are HEAPS of CASH to be CORNERED and APPROPRIATED. We are in Equatorial Guinea, Afro- Caribbean States. We can be found in ALASKA helping to SHOVEL SNOWS, the proceeds REPATRIATED to BUILD MANSIONS and BUY CARS to be COPIOUSLY exhibited during XMAS.

We claim to be descendants of the JEWS and ALLUDE language and commerce-capability SIMILARITIES. The JEWS BLUNTLY refused to allow us MIGRATE to ISRAEL and TAINT their GODLY STATUS.

We have a group called the SONS OF GOD, who DECEIVED the whole of IBO LAND with their LONG JUJU, acquired all LANDS in IGBO LAND, sold COUNTLESS into SLAVERY and claim to HOLD the STAFF of AUTHORITY in IBO LAND. I BELONG TO THAT GROUP. One of their Sons used to trek Long distances to trade. He decided to Settle around the market environment in Okigwe and formed another LOUD GROUP. They TRAVEL to this HOLY LAND every YEAR in APRIL to watch A MAN KILLED and REAPPEAR FROM A BUSH, PLANTAIN SUCKERS PLANTED and GROW within MINUTES and HARVESTED, WATER CARRIED in BASKETS and CHILDREN speak in STRANGE LANGUAGES.

A group has an UNBEATABLE RECORD of their WOMEN claiming to DELIVER LIKE HEBREW WOMEN and LITTERING their HOMESTEADS with 10 CHILDREN like in a PIGSTY and adding one or two to PUT the ICING on the CAKE. Their neighbors speak a FUNNY DIALECT and HAVE PRODUCED COUNTLESS local MUSICIANS that SPICE their SONGS with immense VULGARITY. This neighbor will HARASS and CHASTISE you if he is YOUR LANDLORD, stay in his HOUSE and BRING in YOUNG MAIDENS while his DAUGHTERS are SINGLE and LANGUISHING in ABJECT SOLITUDE irrespective of THEIR WANTON WAYWARDNESS and MORAL DECADENCE.

There is another GROUP with an EVOLVING DIALECT that evokes DEEP GUFFAWS. I love THAT DIALECT. MY WIFE belongs to that GROUP. They are experts in TRADE. They are AUTHORITIES in STOCKFISH TRADE and have supplied more STOCKFISH to the WHOLE of NIGERIA than you have TEAS in CHINA. They bought up all the LANDS in THE GLORIFIED TAIWAN OF AFRICA and have a BEAUTIFUL PLACE called 'SMALL LONDON', but the ROADS to that place are HELLISH and the HOUSES placed in CONFIGURATIONS AND SYMMETRIES that will MAKE an ESTATE PLANNER PUKE uncontrollably.

Another GROUP says they are FROM the BINI TRIBE, but HAVE NO LANGUAGE SIMILARITIES with the BINI TRIBE. The only 'THING' that BIND them to the BINI GROUP is the SLAUGHTER of GOATS and CHICKENS at certain periods OF THE YEAR to be CONSUMED by so-called 'MESSENGERS OF THE GODS' and those that have the CAPACITY to COMMUNE WITH and UNDERSTAND the LANGUAGE of the GODS. They prefer to trade and are EXPERTS in VERTICAL ELEVATIONS. Take a BUS or a CAR to the GROUP and in MINUTES you will not recognize the CARCASS. They are ALWAYS at LOGGER HEADS with their NEIGHBORS who produce SPARE PARTS and are always fighting in BEER PARLORS for SUPREMACY. You BENEFIT from such FIGHTS because YOU always HAVE your TABLE FILLED with BOTTLES while they TRY to PROVE their respective SUPERIORITY to YOU.

Another group ended up in a PLACE around BENIN CITY. Their names are Igbo, speak a CONVOLUTED TYPE of the LANGUAGE and they tell you they are not IGBOS. They are at a CROSSROAD and have formed TWO SPLINTER GROUPS fighting for SUPREMACY. A publisher of one of the BEST-SELLING NEWSPAPERS in NIGERIA is from there. The ROOFS of their houses HIGHLIGHT the SKYLINES with RUSTY RED. Their roads are DUSTY RED. My very GOOD FRIEND is from that zone. His name is 'CHUKWUEMEKE' My name is 'CHUKWUEMEKA'. The only difference is in the last 'E' and 'A'. The names mean the same thing. He said, I should not mind his people who are Suffering from identity crisis.

We fought in a WAR. The leader of the WAR is RESTING with his ANCESTORS. A GREAT MAN. He eventually LOCKED UP in the WARM EMBRACE of a BEAUTY QUEEN perpetuated his BLOODLINE with KIDS that look exactly like him. I was wishing for the KIDS to LOOK like the BEAUTY QUEEN.

Another Brother does not like to be CALLED IGBO. The name of his GOVERNOR is in IGBO LANGUAGE and means "WHO KNOWS TOMORROW". These Brothers SOLD and FORCEFULLY ACQUIRED the HOUSES of their brothers CLAIMING they were ABANDONED PROPERTIES AFTER THE NIGERIAN CIVIL WAR. They speak the language and vehemently claim they are not Igbos

A war ensued between TWO BROTHERS that the ENGLISH man call FRATRICIDAL and they MERCILESSLY SLAUGHTERED THEMSELVES and THUMPED their CHESTS over their SUPERIOR INGENUITY in DASTARD KILLINGS. LIMBS were AMPUTATED and EYES removed from SOCKETS. SKULLS were designed for DRINKING PALMWINE and 33 LAGER BEER. What ADVANCED LEVEL OF INNOVATIVENESS.


 The IGBO group is AUTONOMOUS and do not HAVE regards for KINGS or KINGSHIPS. You are a KING in your Bedroom. Money RULES and as long as you can INUNDATE your DRIVEWAY with BENTLEY, HUMMER, LEGGZUS and PATHFINDER (Ocho Uzo), irrespective of how YOU got the MONEY, your WORDS rule and you, OVERNIGHT, become the OPINION LEADER in your COMMUNITY.

The second part is coming....