...I felt like 'PUMPING' my MUSCLES ONE MORNING and endlessly SEEK a SIX-PACK that has ever ELUDED me. MY ROTUND TUMMY was an EYE SORE. My gym equipment is by the balcony, SYMPTOMATIC of the HOUSES built in LAGOS, NIGERIA where SPACE is scarce AND competition rife on who will BUILD HOUSES with rooms slightly bigger than what you get in LONDON.
On stepping out, anger clouding my senses because of the ROTUND tummy, I saw a Bird by my neighbor's WINDOW SILL. I tried to identify the breed. I grew up in a huge farm. It was not a BLACK JACK nor a CANARY. It looked like a WREN. The BIRD was busy.
I rushed inside to grab my camera and the SHUTTERS were at work. The BIRD was NESTING. MY MISSUS was NESTING TOO. The bird was flying back and forth. Each return journey was accomplished with a straw on her beak. I concluded that the PROJECT TIMELINE would be long and RESOURCES ACQUISITION tedious.
I decided to help. I went to a gift shop in Victoria Island, Lagos, a glorified and expensive slum in Nigeria and bought a Bird House for N3000 (R150, $20). A PAINTING SUITE came with it. I painted the House giving it a LOOK like THE FEATHERS on THE CAP of CHIEF CHINGACHOOK of the MOHICANS, a KALEIDOSCOPE OF COLOURS. I was satisfied with what I made and at the RISK of BREAKING A BONE climbed the WINDOW SILL and placed the house by the sill. My Missus appreciated it. She knows am a COUNTRY BOY and always preach CONSERVATION.
I added a good measure of RICE and CORN to attract the little thing. I wanted her to abandon her PROJECT and move into the SELF-CONTAINED APARTMENT I got for her. She kept on building her nest ignoring my magnanimous gestures, deciding to reinvent the wheel. I complained to my BUDDY in the compound, CLEMENT OLADAPO ONAWOLE. He told me to ignore the LITTLE THING that maybe she would change her mind later and move in. SHE DIDN'T
She finished her NEST and moved in. I knew she was ready to LAY HER EGGS. I travelled to ABUJA, the capital city of Nigeria on an official assignment. I spent a week in Abuja.
I came back to Lagos and immediately noticed that she had finished her nest. TWO other BIRDS were by HER NEST making a lot of NOISE. Very Vocal and annoying. One was more vocal and kept strutting round the window like a DON QUIXOTE. HE was constantly DEFEACATING and MESSING UP THE SILL. The other BIRD looked finer and had a GENTLE MIEN. I concluded they were males and were COURTING THE BABE.
THE DANCE began, a lot of COOING and WOOING and I was ROOTING for the GENTLE ONE. To my CHAGRIN, the BABE decided to go for the NOISY ONE. My PAL, the quiet one, was left OUT IN THE COLD. He had a dejected look and was MAKING WHIMPERING SOUNDS. I went downstairs and picked a STONE and waited for the NOISY ONE. HE SUMMARILY EMERGED FROM THE NEST LOOKING and SOUNDING VICTORIOUS. YOU can IMAGINE what TRANSPIRED INSIDE THE NEST.
The STONE FLEW from my palm and MADE A BULL'S EYE. The 'guy' made bird-like noises and flew off. My Pal flew off too and CAME BACK AFTER 5 minutes. He made straight for the NEST. I heard some ear-piercing noises. The guy emerged looking ruffled and flew off.
DON JUAN came back, looked at me with a PLEA in HIS EYES. A thought zapped THROUGH MY MIND. Why would I disturb a STRONG GUY who wants to PERPETUATE HIS SPECIES? NATURE ABHORS THE WEAK AT THAT LEVEL. LAW OF NATURAL SELECTION. I looked away and the guy ENTERED THE NEST. I HEARD SOME MOANING AND COOING SOUNDS. I MUST CONFESS, I YEARNED FOR MY MISSUS TOO.
SUDDENLY, the weak guy came around and made straight for the NEST. I knew it was going to be a WAR. I HEARD A LOT OF SOUNDS AND FEATHERS FALLING OUT. After about 5 minutes, the whole place was SILENT. THE BABE emerged with the TWO GUYS and LOOKED CONTENTED. THE THREE HAVE BEEN LEAVING TOGETHER IN THE NEST ever since
I AM WAITING FOR THE EGGS TO HATCH to DECIPHER WHAT THE CHICKS WOULD LOOK LIKE.
On stepping out, anger clouding my senses because of the ROTUND tummy, I saw a Bird by my neighbor's WINDOW SILL. I tried to identify the breed. I grew up in a huge farm. It was not a BLACK JACK nor a CANARY. It looked like a WREN. The BIRD was busy.
I rushed inside to grab my camera and the SHUTTERS were at work. The BIRD was NESTING. MY MISSUS was NESTING TOO. The bird was flying back and forth. Each return journey was accomplished with a straw on her beak. I concluded that the PROJECT TIMELINE would be long and RESOURCES ACQUISITION tedious.
I decided to help. I went to a gift shop in Victoria Island, Lagos, a glorified and expensive slum in Nigeria and bought a Bird House for N3000 (R150, $20). A PAINTING SUITE came with it. I painted the House giving it a LOOK like THE FEATHERS on THE CAP of CHIEF CHINGACHOOK of the MOHICANS, a KALEIDOSCOPE OF COLOURS. I was satisfied with what I made and at the RISK of BREAKING A BONE climbed the WINDOW SILL and placed the house by the sill. My Missus appreciated it. She knows am a COUNTRY BOY and always preach CONSERVATION.
I added a good measure of RICE and CORN to attract the little thing. I wanted her to abandon her PROJECT and move into the SELF-CONTAINED APARTMENT I got for her. She kept on building her nest ignoring my magnanimous gestures, deciding to reinvent the wheel. I complained to my BUDDY in the compound, CLEMENT OLADAPO ONAWOLE. He told me to ignore the LITTLE THING that maybe she would change her mind later and move in. SHE DIDN'T
She finished her NEST and moved in. I knew she was ready to LAY HER EGGS. I travelled to ABUJA, the capital city of Nigeria on an official assignment. I spent a week in Abuja.
I came back to Lagos and immediately noticed that she had finished her nest. TWO other BIRDS were by HER NEST making a lot of NOISE. Very Vocal and annoying. One was more vocal and kept strutting round the window like a DON QUIXOTE. HE was constantly DEFEACATING and MESSING UP THE SILL. The other BIRD looked finer and had a GENTLE MIEN. I concluded they were males and were COURTING THE BABE.
THE DANCE began, a lot of COOING and WOOING and I was ROOTING for the GENTLE ONE. To my CHAGRIN, the BABE decided to go for the NOISY ONE. My PAL, the quiet one, was left OUT IN THE COLD. He had a dejected look and was MAKING WHIMPERING SOUNDS. I went downstairs and picked a STONE and waited for the NOISY ONE. HE SUMMARILY EMERGED FROM THE NEST LOOKING and SOUNDING VICTORIOUS. YOU can IMAGINE what TRANSPIRED INSIDE THE NEST.
The STONE FLEW from my palm and MADE A BULL'S EYE. The 'guy' made bird-like noises and flew off. My Pal flew off too and CAME BACK AFTER 5 minutes. He made straight for the NEST. I heard some ear-piercing noises. The guy emerged looking ruffled and flew off.
DON JUAN came back, looked at me with a PLEA in HIS EYES. A thought zapped THROUGH MY MIND. Why would I disturb a STRONG GUY who wants to PERPETUATE HIS SPECIES? NATURE ABHORS THE WEAK AT THAT LEVEL. LAW OF NATURAL SELECTION. I looked away and the guy ENTERED THE NEST. I HEARD SOME MOANING AND COOING SOUNDS. I MUST CONFESS, I YEARNED FOR MY MISSUS TOO.
SUDDENLY, the weak guy came around and made straight for the NEST. I knew it was going to be a WAR. I HEARD A LOT OF SOUNDS AND FEATHERS FALLING OUT. After about 5 minutes, the whole place was SILENT. THE BABE emerged with the TWO GUYS and LOOKED CONTENTED. THE THREE HAVE BEEN LEAVING TOGETHER IN THE NEST ever since
I AM WAITING FOR THE EGGS TO HATCH to DECIPHER WHAT THE CHICKS WOULD LOOK LIKE.
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